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Just for Kicks #2: Extra Jokes, Riddles And Different Silly Stuff
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Just for Kicks #2: More Jokes, Riddles and Different Silly Stuff
Up to date on August 24, 2016 John Hansen moreJohn values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He’s a fan of Monty Python, Mr Bean, Black Books and so forth.
Contact Writer Laurel and Hardy “Large Enterprise” Buy Now Be at liberty to Chortle Out Loud
Welcome to my second hub in the collection of “Just for Kicks.” If you happen to loved the first one and received a snicker or too, I hope this does the same. I realise that not everyone shares my sense of humour so I do not expect everyone to search out these hilarious, but when one or two of those jokes at least trigger you to smile then I really feel the hub has been profitable. When you do actually find these hilariously humorous, then you could have my permission to snicker out loud. I hope you take pleasure in.
Q. What do you call a fish with out an eye fixed?
A. a fsh
A blind man is telling his good friend how a lot he enjoys skydiving.
“My hand is placed on the parachute release ring. After which they place me within the doorway of the aircraft and tell me when to jump. Then out I go. I count to 10 slowly, then pull the ring.”
“However how are you aware when to raise your legs before you land on the bottom?” his buddy asks.
“Oh,” replies the blind man, “as quickly as the canine’s leash goes slack.”
Q. What a part of the turkey has probably the most feathers?
A. The surface
Did You Hear the One Concerning the Poodle, the Leopard, and the Monkey?
A wealthy younger lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her pet poodle alone for company. Early one morning whereas she is sleeping, the poodle begins chasing butterflies and before lengthy, finds himself far away from the camp.
Wandering about, he notices a hungry-wanting leopard heading quickly in his direction. The poodle thinks, “Uh oh!”
Noticing some bones on the bottom the poodle instantly settles right down to chew on them together with his back to the approaching big cat. Simply because the leaopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, “Gee, that was one scrumptious leaopard. I’m wondering if there are any extra close by?”
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack mid-strike, a look of terror spreading over his face, and he slinks away into the jungle. “Whew!” The leopard says to himself, “That was shut. That poodle practically had me.”
Meanwhile, a monkey had been watching the entire scene from a close by tree. He figures he can put his information to good use and commerce it for safety from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard at nice sped and figures one thing have to be up.
The monkey quickly catches as much as the leopard, spills the beans about what he witnessed, and strikes up a deal. The leopard is furious about being made a idiot of and says, “Right here monkey, hop on my again so you may watch me rip that poodle to bits.”
The poodle sees the leopard returning with the monkey riding on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” Instead of running, the dog sits down along with his back to the attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them and waits until they strategy close sufficient to hear.
“Where’s that rattling monkey?” The poodle says loudly, “I sent him off an hour in the past to deliver me one other leopard.”
Q. Why do Indian men eat more rice then Irish men?
A. There are more Indian men than Irish men.
Diamonds in Heaven
Bob was visiting his greatest pal Harry, who had a terminal illness and didn’t have lengthy to go.
“If they play muppets animal t shirts clothing baseball in Heaven will you come back in spirit and tell me?” Bob asked.
Larry feebly nodded yes, and then handed away.
That night whereas Bob was sleeping, he heard Harry’s voice in a dream, “Bob…”
“Harry? What’s it?” Bob requested in his sleep.
“Well, I’ve each good and bad information from Heaven.”
“What”s the excellent news?”
“There may be baseball in Heaven in spite of everything,” Harry reported. “But the unhealthy information is that you are subsequent up to bat on Tuesday.”
Q. If it took twelve males eighteen hours to build a wall, how lengthy would it take six men to build the identical wall?
A. No time in any respect. It has already been constructed.
A Go to to the Zoo
A younger man was main his pet crocodile down the road when he handed a policeman, who stated, “Now, now lad, I feel you had higher take that crocodile to the zoo.” The younger man nodded and walked on.
The next day the young man was once once more walking down the street with the alligator on a lead, when he passed the same policeman.
“Hey there my good fellow. I assumed I informed you yesterday to take that crocodile to the zoo?” The policeman queried.
The young man answered, “I did Officer. However immediately I am taking him to the cinema.”
The Trucker vs The Bikers
A truck driver pulled up at a truck stop for lunchand ordered a hamburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three robust trying bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker’s hamburger and took a huge bite from it. The second drank the trucker’ espresso, and the third gobbled down his apple pie.
The truck driver did not say a phrase as he stood up, paid the waitress, and left.
Because the waitress approached the bikers to take their order, one of many bikers growled, “He ain’t a lot of a man, is he?”
“He isn’t a lot of a driver both,” the waitress replied. “He simply backed his 18-wheeler over three bikes.”
Q. Ten males were in a boat on the river Nile. The boat turns over, and all males should swim to shore, yet not a single man acquired wet ! Why?
A. Because there were no single males. They had been all married.
Eve of Creation
Sooner or later in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I’ve an issue.”
“What’s the issue Eve?” God asks in a booming voice.
“Lord, I know you created me and have provided this lovely garden, all these fantastic animals, and that silly previous snake, but I’m just not comfortable.”
“Why is that Eve?”
“Lord, I am sick of consuming apples, and I’m lonely.”
“Properly Eve, in that case I’ll create a companion for you. I’ll name him a man.”
“What’s a man, Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, a huge ego and the lack to empathise or hearken to you properly.”
“Will he have any good factors?” Eve asked.
“Properly, he’ll be larger, faster and stronger than you. He’ll be good at preventing, searching fleet-footed animals, and he’ll be firm and not bad within the sack.” God says.
“Sounds great,” Eve says with a hint of sarcasm.
“Yeah nicely, he’ll be better than a poke in the attention with a burnt stick. You can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that Lord?”
“It’s important to let him imagine that I created him first.”
Knock on Wood
Three elderly males had been discussing the problems of ageing muppets animal t shirts clothing and memory. One stated, “Generally I catch myself standing in entrance of the refrigerator with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, and I can’t remember whether or not I want to place it away or start making a sandwich.”
The second fellow chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the touchdown between the flights of stairs and I can’t remember whether I used to be on my method up, or down.”
The third old man responded, “Well guys, I’m glad I haven’t got that drawback. Knock on wood,” he stated as he wrapped his knuckles on the table. Then a few seconds later, “Oh, that should be the door, I will get it.”
Massive Buck Bunny
© 2015 John Hansen
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sendingAuthorJohn Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia
I’m glad you loved these Chris and thanks for that generous comment.
Krzysztof Willman 2 years ago from Parlin, New Jersey
What a nice treat to read on this Friday morning! The most effective humor is easy with out the need to attempt too laborious. Each joke was nice to read and stuffed with taste that anyone around the globe could enjoy. Glorious!
Hey Frank….sometimes the only are the funniest I agree. Like Q.Why did the koala fall out of the tree? A. As a result of it was dead, or Q. Why can’t Kevin journey a bike? A. as a result of Kevin is a fish. I like foolish too.
Frank Atanacio 2 years in the past from Shelton
lol, this was fantastic.. however you recognize the best… joke was the funniest to me.. what a part of the turkey has probably the most feathers.. the surface.. stupid humorous..:) awesome bro
Thanks Mel, glad these gave you a chuckle. I hadn’t seen Laurel and Hardy in awhile either. I nonetheless find them funny.
Mel Carriere 2 years ago from San Diego California
Poodles are very smart and nice tricksters. I used to have one. Great collection of chuckles. It’s been a while since Ive seen Laurel and Hardy.
Jennifer, thanks for studying. I appreciated knock on wooden too.
Jennifer Mugrage 2 years ago from Columbus, Ohio
Thanks for these. Knock on wood was my fave.
Hiya Dianna, nice to see you got an excellent snigger out of those… Especially the baseball one.
Dianna Mendez 2 years ago
Funny and a lot needed! I really like the baseball joke! Thanks for the laughs.
Hey Deb, we all want just a few chuckles at times. Glad you liked that one particularly and thanks for the comment.
Deb Hirt 2 years in the past from Stillwater, Ok
I liked the one with the leopard, the monkey and the poodle the best. I chuckled at a couple of extra, too. Thanks, John!
Hi Mary, no you needn’t have a favorite so long as you bought a smile alongside the way in which. Glad you enjoyed this hub and my son Trent will get an ego increase from the comments.
Mary Craig 2 years in the past from New York
I can only agree wit everyone. This was an effective way to begin my Saturday. You do not really expect us to select a favourite.
I feel Mike made a very good point…about your son and crocodile….
Hi Flourish, I knew somebody would like the Eve joke 🙂 Thanks for studying and commenting.
FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA
I like the Eve joke.
Thanks for studying Nell, yes you cannot outsmart a poodle.
Audrey Selig 2 years in the past from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Hello Jodah – You’re an actual comedian and have branched out into all avenues. I learn this after the Black Canine story which reveals your versatility. You made me chuckle and made my day. Please write more of those humorous ones to brighten our days. Sharing, Blessings, Audrey
Nell Rose 2 years in the past from England
LOL! thanks for the laughs! cherished the poodle and so forth! funny stuff!
🙂 sure Dana, I have two poodles an they’re definitely very smart..thanks for reading and commenting.
Dana Tate 2 years in the past from LOS ANGELES
I cracked up big time about how the poodle tricked the leopard and the monkey! I let you know that’s one good dog.
Hello Ann, Sure I know the Gruffalo and the Gruffao’s Son. Very talked-about children’s tales. We all want a superb giggle every now and then. Thanks for reading.
Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England
Nice jokes, John. The poodle one jogs my memory of the story referred to as ‘The Gruffalo’ the place a mouse pretends he has a huge monster for a pal and fools a few animals – then the monster too! It is a terrific kids’s story – you may already understand it.
Slightly mild-heartedness does us all good and laughter is a great healer.
Thanks Blossom, sure took awhile, however it all got here together. Glad you got a snicker.
Thanks Will, I’m a true silent film fan. Love Chaplin, Keaton and the Keystone Kops. I will try that you Tube clip.
Bronwen Scott-Branagan 2 years in the past from Victoria, Australia
Liked it. It will need to have taken fairly some time on your to set it all up, however from my standpoint it was well worth it. I used to be just needing a good laugh.
WillStarr 2 years in the past from Phoenix, Arizona
Nice stuff John! Could I suggest the Keystone Kops?:
Hello shprd74, thanks for reading and sharing that story. Children don’t take life as critically as adults and sometimes make light of these kind of situations. Generally it might help us adults cope better with the tough situations.
Glad these jokes gave you a big smile Shyron. Thanks.
Hari Prasad S 2 years ago from Bangalore
Very good. Some jokes are situational and from actual life experiences and they create such a lasting experience.
Kids give new perspectives to our mind-set, (adults), which defies our thought course of and likewise helps us perceive how youngsters think.
A child being attentive to every phrase spoken tries to know what his dad and mom are discussing, and make his own assessment of it.
Some conditions create wonderful humor. I have created a fictional situation to point out case the child’s intelligence and his attentiveness.
Right here it goes.
A quite common discussion within the course of time in any household life is start and death of family.
An in depth relative had died, and we had been aware of the speedy kinfolk and their financial background and have been discussing about it by no means assuming what is going on to happen, whereas we were going to attend it.
We reached for mourning and inquired about the cause of death and so on. and unassumingly our 9 yr outdated additionally repeated the identical questions after we finished.
He acquired solutions to all his questions, explaining how good the departed soul was and very useful etc., and without hesitation he went ahead requested whereas my relative continued to cry inconsolably.
“Aunty, how a lot money uncle had before he died?” shocked to listen to it; aunty stopped crying for a second, but acquired her steadiness again to get shocked once more.
“Aunty, has he left anything for you. Do not cry if he has left cash.”
You are a lot faster than I.
Shyron E Shenko 2 years in the past from Texas
John, I do know and love you humor. I used to be smiling and laughing and grinning from ear to ear.
As I’ve stated earlier than “Laughter is the music of the soul”
Hey Kim, thanks for studying this. I at all times have bother remembering jokes unless I write them down. Once I have instructed them once I seem to recollect them okay although. Thanks for the farmer joke. Reminds me of one: if a reptile collector had 20 sick snakes in a cage and 4 died, what number of were left? It must be read allowed so it appears like 26, then if four died folks would reply 22… When in actual fact the reply was 16 .. A bit foolish I do know. All good right here, hope you’re doing effectively too.
ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina
I bet you are the life of any party. I’m the world’s worse at telling jokes. My 10 yr old niece had nice fun with me recently with the following joke – more like a riddle-that’s having fun with play on phrases. One actually will need to have it instructed to them for it to work. Anyway, that is what I heard:
A farmer has 10 cows, eight chickens
What number of chickens does he have left?
Hoping you and yours are properly,
AuthorJohn Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia
Hi MsDora, glad you loved this collection of funnies. Thanks again for your form comments.
Dora Weithers 2 years in the past from The Caribbean
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